after maybe two weeks of freelance work i am beginning to flesh out (my tired flesh) a possible schedule to maximize my productivity (of which there seems to be very little) so rather than dicking around the internet and my mind until 3 or 4 in the morning (which is when i decide to sit down and write) i should sleep earlier and wake up around this ( Read more... )

had drinks last night with one of the more dangerous characters in the farce that is my life. it wasn't terrible ( Read more... )

Thinking warm thoughts about not much in particular. It was easy to wake up today, and the coffee was good, and the first cigarette approximated bliss.

---

On Sunday I had breakfast with A, who seems to resurface from a swirl of beach-feelings every time they start getting hazy. I am beginning to worry that he is an imaginary friend. One that ( Read more... )

Maybe it's a race to see who can fall in love the slowest and I think I am losing.

---

Books everywhere. Reading my Llosa at a glacial pace, hankering for some Cortazar. Studying guerilla art and the Szpilman Award winners for ideas. Bought a tiny notebook, good for one to five words per page, to list down venues for new media and halfway through ( Read more... )

Back on my meds because my shrink got mad at me for not taking them. Says I need structure and discipline and that I've been refusing that. She got mad at me for a couple of other things but I guess I can tell that story elsewhere / friends-locked / in person / wag na lang.

Maybe all this waffling I can't write, I can't write while on my meds is ( Read more... )

Just discovered that Jack Gilbert wrote erotic novels under a pseudonym. I know what I'm getting you for Christmas.

“We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on my body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography - to be marked by nature, not just ( Read more... )

heavy hands, heavy heart -- so many hollows on this body means so many places in which to collect pain

At the Ballet Rehearsal
Lawrence Lacambra Ypil

where metaphor 
where speculation

where the girls at the ballet rehearsal
knee-locked and stiff-armed up into
the bright ceiling of the studio
want to be perfect

want to be lifted up
light as no-body even if
they are all body now:
torso and thigh

and smile and their arms arced
like how ( Read more... )

as of today, i owe a couple of hospitals 27,000+ pesos. that's about $570.

--

that being said, i just got out of a five-day in the lung center of the philippines.

petra
you missedddddd me
makatttak
i did!
it's yr fault!
for having a shitty immune system
and not listening to enough vitamin c
!!
petrai swallowed seven oranges ( Read more... )